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Who is an Angry Feminist?
My name is Joy Isi Bewaji.
This is the place where I get to talk about stereotypes,
tradition, prejudices, kyriarchy, patriarchy and feminism.
Welcome.
Did I forget to mention I am a feminist?
Feminism is not complete.
There is the very essential accessory of “angry” or “burnt”,
“bitter” or “unhappy”.
You almost imagine ejaculation taking place whilst pooping,
with moans of “angrrrrry bitches” foaming from the side of the mouth.
It’s never a pretty picture when they conceive these
add-ons.
So why are Feminists
angry?
Or maybe the question should be: why is the anger of the
Feminist a more important discussion, a headliner of sort, than the anger of,
say, the housewife with five children, or the bitterness of the mechanic, or
the unhappiness of the manager at a construction firm, or the scorched habit of
the police officer, or the political analyst on AIT with irate veins shooting
out behind a worn collar?
The anger of a Feminist at a work place, for instance, could
be triggered by the work itself and not her feminist tag. Work might be slow,
work might be unproductive, and work might be paying less. Work is what elicits
her anger.
The bitterness of a Feminist on Lagos roads may be caused by the driver
in front of her- the one who carelessly reverses and slams her lights out; it
could be hours of traffic; it could be okada hitting her side mirror off.
The bitter Feminist in traffic is bitter because of the
traffic situation. Like everyone else.
The irritation of a feminist in social situations that
address rape, misogyny, or crass ignorance on issues of patriarchy could be found
in the responses, the comments, the blatant witlessness of it all, or just the
realisation of how easily depraved things can get…
And the finesse and subtleties people, like Nigerians,
living in third world depravity, lacking in every basic need, demand in dealing with issues of female mutilation, silence in rape and battery in marriage
as something as, well, hip as a Davido concert, is worth pulling your hair
out for.
I am not sure how people can address these issues of
prejudices with the kind of conduct and tone that we give to good sex and
orgasm.
How do we address the barefaced rape cases under bridges,
near bus parks, in crannies of Ojota and Ogba with calm and easy tones?
Yesterday, Sunday, we held the third edition of
#TheConversation- an event where we talk about patriarchy and social privilege(s) or lack of it. This time we moved to Ibadan (we have been to Lagos and
Abuja). At the event yesterday was Akintoba, a lawyer, who shared an experience
of a five year old girl, raped by the friend of her father- a man in his
forties.
When the case got to him, he looked at the child and asked, “What
do you want me to do to this man?”
The young child answered, “I want him to suffer.”
A 5 year old is very clear of her wish, because her pain
reminds her of what she truly desires for her rapist.
As the case progresses, father of the child calls the lawyer
aside and pleas that this matter should not destroy the relationship he has
with his friend (the rapist).
Before long, in true African style, the case goes cold. Not because
the lawyer is unwilling to help or the courts are unwilling to address the
matter, but the parents started meandering, then stopped picking the lawyer’s calls.
Yet, when Feminists or activists or any other “–ists”
address these type of issues, we are required to “tone it down” “calm it down” “so
that people can understand”.
Understand what exactly? Is it rocket science to understand that a woman is equal to a man, and
a child should not be raped?
Do we need tutorials for that? A cup of coffee and biscuits
to help comprehension, perhaps?
Are we to wear our Sunday best with ribbon on our hair
whilst we deal with situations many of us only hear about?
Do you not know that the easiest thing to be in a situation
like this is to be calm, sweet, and understanding?
It is not your experience. So why should you “carry it on your
heads”? That is what you mean when you say “tone it down”.
It is the easiest place to stand. And it is a selfish
position.
I am almost ashamed of any woman who would suggest that
feminism be toned down.
Tone down so that what can happen? So that we can be
considered sweet and kind and loving and longsuffering and nice and understanding?
If anything needs toning down it should be discrimination and chauvinism.
I am an angry feminist (Just as angry as being Nigerian and realizing the numbers who are dead because terrorism exists).
An angry feminist with a good job, great companion, lovely
kids, a really good life.
Still I am angry. I am angry for that 5 year old girl who didn’t
get justice because her mother needed to “tone it down”.
I am angry for the girl hawking “pure water” who gets harassed
sexually by drivers and conductors and step-fathers because her mother is “toning
it down”.
I am angry for every woman who has been told to work out bad
situations because society does not want to deal with the 'female anger' or even want
to admit she has a right to any kind of emotion beyond the “oooohs” that escape
her lips during sex.
I am angry.
Now that (that) is established, we can then move on to other
discourse that this platform will provide and address.
Thank you and welcome.
Thank you Joy. I've been waiting for this.
ReplyDeleteYay! Thanks, Deb.
DeleteAnd let the games begin. We need to address this. People need to hear it. People need to know that these aren't isolated cases. A collection of "little" tragedies that happen in dark corners, far removed from all that is sane and proper. These things occur in our own lives everyday. In the apartment of our next door neighbors. In our boy's quarters. Under our very noses. Clearly we will hold our breaths and die of suffocation if we wait for people to be ready and comfortable to hear these things, so if we have to place this cause and offer it as a sacrifice on the altar of their discomfort then so be it. Thank you for this.
ReplyDeleteThank you, darl!
DeleteLet's Go There...!
ReplyDeleteWhoop!
DeleteLet's Go There...!
ReplyDeleteAwesome. Your voice will liberate many.
ReplyDeleteThanks, love!
DeleteI really hope those who need to read this, actually do. Education is key. Though ignoramuses being what they are, they probably won't want to grace you with their presence.
ReplyDeleteAs for me, I have always been a feminist, I just didn't know it until Chimamanda broke it down in her TED Talk. Some people balk at the title, or a label of any sort. Me? I don't care if it's my shoe size and it fits me.
On the anger though, I am not tough enough to embrace anger. I'm that girl who gets over-emotional, which blocks rational thought, and ruins my pithy argument. I'm sensitive. So, I choose to replace the anger with 'determination'. I am a determined feminist.
Thanks again Joy
This is great, Joy!
ReplyDelete, “What do you want me to do to this man?”
ReplyDeleteThe young child answered, “I want him to suffer.”
*sigh*
DeleteOh yes! This is long overdue and am so thrilled. Every female should be a feminist.
ReplyDeleteAmazing!!!
True!
DeleteThe beginning of the end! We're coming, whether they're ready or not.
ReplyDeleteRespect!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMadam Joy
Why did it take you so long?!
ReplyDeleteHeeheehee! We are here now.
DeleteCongratulations Joy! may your efforts be fruitful!
ReplyDeleteAmen. Bless.
Delete"I want him to suffer"....
ReplyDelete..and THAT is the greatest tragedy of all....lost innocence...