.png)
“Who will fry my Plantain, with salt?”
Let’s say you are having a conversation on Feminism. You
know, that small issue on Equality.
Your concern is that young girls be allowed education in
rural areas; teenage girls be left to dream without marriage as a roadblock to
the height of their ambitions or imaginations, and women be treated equally in
society and the structures and industries it sustains.
A crisp construction of economic, educational, political,
cultural, and personal objectives, without the exoneration of any gender from
tall dreams and endless possibilities.
Talks about more women in position of power and
decision-making; the bold entry into certain circles of influence; first-world aspiration,
realized through merit and skill, and not gender.
An all-encompassing matter that advocates for more
opportunities for women and the eradication of gender-bias practices shrouded
in culture and religion.
But what your audience, a third-world calamity, hears is entirely skewed:
“Who will fry our plantain now?”
Who will stay in the kitchen and boil water for the sick
child?
Who will pound yam, turn eba?
Who will then move from the kitchen to the bedroom with ease
and no qualms?
Your entire movement is summarised to a stuffy square room
with a stove and kerosene.
That’s when you realise the true worth of the woman in an
African situation. That is when you truly understand your position in the
Patriarchy.
You are a cook. And when you are not a cook, you are a
vagina.
Of course, this would be denied with sticks and machete and howls;
but when you talk about Equality and all patriarchy can come up with is
pounded-yam-and-egusi-soup arguments, you should understand that your entire
worth is no more than a cooking pot.
How can we justify educated people throwing in domestic issues
of cleaning and scrubbing, cooking and wiping every time the issue of
empowering the woman comes up?
In developed societies, Feminism has long dealt with the
ridiculous; now the focus is on civil rights for women.
Here, in the pit of Africa, we are still contemplating whether
to reward the woman with human rights!
Just as we fight for basic amenities of light and water and
good roads and security; feminism in Nigeria is fighting for issues as heart-breaking
as…
Should a wife work when her husband says she shouldn’t?
Should a woman own a Range Rover before getting married?
Should a married woman own her own land property?
Should a woman walk away from an abusive marriage or manage
the situation?
Should a maid cook for the husband?
Are ladies allowed to dress in a certain way?
Should a woman ever deny her bae sex?
These are the subjects that take front seat when we address feminism
in Nigeria. Yet people compare us to Feminists in the West. As if our audience
is similar; as if our traditions are same. As if we share same concerns.
We are still largely concerned about our stomach. The
biggest Nigerian problem is food. We are, after all, a nation of consumers.
Open your mouth, chop and quench.
And it gets even more confounding, as the real enforcers of
patriarchy; the real policing of “offenders” are done by women.
Women who sustain patriarchy want to ensure that all women
live homogenously or be labelled social pariahs.
It might take another two decades before we begin to deal
with civil rights. For now we worry about leaving the children with the men…
Are they smart enough to take care of a child? Will they not
mistakenly toss the child under the couch thinking s/he is an empty bottle of
beer?
Yes, women share these fears and arguments about grown
men. It is a kind of love and reverence, you know.
See, even men are not left out of the preposterousness of
Patriarchy.
This is where we are.
And what a bloody waste of time it is for sensible discourse
to follow.
Deep stuff Joy, and it's so true in this part of the world.
ReplyDeleteI once asked a guy whether he would like a wife who runs a successful multi-million pounds business, or a wife who cooks the best pounded yam and egusi soup. He hesitated for a moment before choosing the wife who cooks pounded yam and egusi soup.
The worrying thing was I couldn't tell if he was joking or not.
Oh dear!
DeleteHere's the conundrum. In the sea of traditional mysogeny there swim a few bright fish. But they're rare and beautiful. We're not talking Catfish- we're talking Dilectis Dottyback rare.
ReplyDeleteJoy, you are a Dilectis Dottyback.
In African waters there are a few of you, the other billion are Catfish
The current in Africa has yet to turn, but it will.
Keep swimming upstream.
Keep FORCING THE CONVERSATION and keep pushing the boundaries, because, although we seem very far off from the consciousness of the 'developed world' and the catfish around us are swimming beside us looking lost and confused - talking (in fish-language) about 'who will pound their yam/fry their plantain with salt and lie down on demand' dem dey hear us...
One day soon the tide will turn and the Dilectis Dottyback will become the norm and ... Well you get my point, right?
Every major societal change is met by challenge and friction, so change is born and progress is made. Keep swimming upstream, DD.
Thanks, dear. You are kind. Let's keep pushing the conversation.
DeleteSmiles...Then there is hope for tomoro...
ReplyDeleteI think this present generation is a lost cause....
Bcos dey cant and dey wont listen
but there is hope for the younger generation
and that gives me somtin to smile about...
knowing dey wont have to go thru.....
They will have their own challenges, but I pray it wouldn't be about pounded yam and fried plantain. Thanks for your comment, Theodora.
DeleteA friend told me the story of is parents marriage. His parents were socialites back in the day. A beautiful couple who were the VIP guests at EVERY party among their set. Meanwhile, at home, the husband, a military man, would come home cranky and beat his wife up and down the stairs, while the children, including my friend, cowered in the corner. My friend is a man, a strong, loving man who fought for the lives of his sisters and stood by his mother when she eventually had enough and took a lover. He knew, and he protected her secrets.
ReplyDeleteThen when the husband, who had a stream of mistresses throughout their marriage, found out his wife had a lover, he threatened to kill her, and brought a posse to the house to humiliate her in front of her children. My friend helped her escape, his father never knew, he couldn't know, because then he would have killed the boy or at least driven him out of the house, and my friend wanted to stay near his sisters, and protect them.
So the wife ran away to her home town, Ibaden. There, close to her family, she built a house, and waited for the day she could go back for her children.
One day, while she was asleep, they came and burned the house down.
So she left for America. She still lives there.
My friend stayed long enough to rescue his younger sister from 'tailoring school' which was what her father proposed for her when she said she wanted to become a fashion designer. My friend stayed long enough to smuggle her out of Nigeria, to go and meet his mum. She later moved to California and became the famous fashion blogger she is right now. She has her own spot each year on the Oscars Red Carpet.
My friend was a feminist. he still is. He is the only real parent to his child. and he is still rescuing women, mostly his family, from their abusive spouses. I love this man like no other. We call him ' runaway'
I digress.
So, there have been feminists among us forever. They just didn't know it.
Wow. Thank you for sharing this.
Delete@Anonymous, your post made me tear up :'( God bless men who genuinely have women's backs and understand, really understand that the whole "Women can be and do anything they want, what are they shouting about" group are being disingenuous. They KNOW the playing field is no where near level but hide this reality under an ocean of defensiveness and denial. Thank you for this.
ReplyDelete"They KNOW the playing field is no where near level but hide this reality under an ocean of defensiveness and denial..." #Boom! Thanks, babes.
DeleteIt was my pleasure to share the story , and we must recognise the male feminists too...this forum has given me the opportunity to share an amazing story.
DeleteThe total summation of the Nigerian man and some bimbo idea of feminism is. I should be a good cook or a functional vagina for this man who is so gracious to love me.
ReplyDeletesigh!
Delete"You are a cook. And when you are not a cook, you are a vagina."
ReplyDelete- Joy Isi Bewaji
Here is my Quote of the Day. A classic stone to sling or fling at ladybirds who will not arise to their innate call, sense of purpose, pursuit and prosperity, beyond the perilous contentment of a meaningless life - flying (or better said, swinging) only along the monotonous path between the kitchen where she pounds yam for her penis and the bedroom where her penis pounds her like yam.
Welcome, Joy Isi Bewaji.
This blog, rather this cause on a platform as definitive as this, has been long overdue and long-awaited.
One can only wish that beyond Feminism, other matters as front-burner as responsible Citizenship, exemplary Leadership and Good Governance may tiptoe in here, along the path of relevance, even if once in a while.
To you, to your friends and fiends, and family and fans; to an exciting, fulfilling and positively angry blogging; tonight I'll sip a cup of tea before I sleep. That will be my toast for now.
Cheers!
You are too kind, Leke. Thanks.
Delete