#TheConversation: On the matter of Sexism

08:50 0 Comments



If you question tradition, norms and stereotypes, I invite you to join us for a discussion on Sexism and the culture of sexual objectification.

What is your story?

What sexist issues do you contend with daily?

Are you fed with shame for being of a certain gender, or size?

What are the prejudices you suffer, exclusively for being who you are?

Have you been denied anything based on your anatomy? Or enjoy certain favours with regard to physical or sexual pointers?

Flattery and downright sexist display; are the lines blur?

Is the media the biggest promoter of sexism?

These and more we shall discuss at the fourth edition of #TheConversation, holding in Lagos.

We are analysing patriarchy, traditions, social patterns and habits.

I believe people are crushed beneath the weight of social expectations, beneath the voice of tradition.

It is time to rattle the status quo.

-Because our children must inherit a better society, designed to prosper both genders.

Date: Sunday. September 20, 2015

Find more details on the flier.


Convener, Joy Isi Bewaji 

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Are Women the 'Bitter' gender?

05:34 0 Comments



Note: This is a response to people who continue to make judgments on the 'bitter' woman and feminism...

I have never, in all of my years, heard anyone describe a man as "bitter".

He is a bitter man.

Never heard that. Have you?

Apparently "bitterness" is a word reserved only for women, mostly by women.

Men who beat up their wives are not bitter, just violent.

Men who steal and misbehave in public offices are merely thieves.

Men who rape. "Just" rapists.

Men who cannot comprehend anything beyond the urge to cum are just, well, men.

Women ensure bitterness is only attributed to their kind.

When you meet a woman whose energy, passion, drive, no-bullshit-attitude you cannot comprehend...

The easiest thing to brand her is "bitter".

Because your brain is incapable of learning or forming new words.

You are, after all, an African woman. You need to breastfeed your child, take care of your husband, make many friends, run a regular life which in itself is not bad...

But the idea that if the next woman does not process information like you or find your kind of lifestyle appealing immediately makes her bitter, is what qualifies you as stupid.

I keep saying it everyday, let women be whatever the hell they want to be.

And that brings me to Feminism...

All these silly women who should be content with buying lace for weddings and trying to hustle for contracts under the new political dispensation should stop building essays around Feminism and Bitterness.

Your stupidity is on 3D.

In the bible (hard deal to bring religion into this but...) it was said that the dejected, angry and bitter joined David's camp.

David's camp was the new cause at the time, it was the new movement.

In a patriarchal situation where women are trying to know who they are and find their voices, Feminism will house the bitter, the dejected, the angry.

In the true essence of Christianity, Jesus says: If you are lonely, dejected, confused, come to me. Join my movement.

So do you see how vile you are when you will not allow women find their healing under Feminism? Anger is one process to healing.

But what do you know apart from turning amala.

I suspect these Owambe women who just woke up in the middle of the feminist movement in Nigeria with breasts heaving with opinions, want us to turn the movement to a happy-go-lucky gig where we get drunk and eat cake.

They want it to be another Nigerian wedding with a lot of pretentious people and blunt happiness that is unable to cut butter.

They want feminism to be as chirpy as political rallies, with a lot of dancing and incoherent friendships.

Sorry oh, but Feminism is for the bitter woman too. Whatever that means.

If your head, beaten unconsciously to submission by patriarchy, can hardly define a man as bitter, but quickly summarises the next woman's voice and efforts as such...

Then you should worry that you have the IQ of a panda.

A big dumb lump.

So let us imagine, indeed, women are the only bitter species...

Where do you suggest they go for "healing"?

To church? To a therapist (how much per session)? To the open market? To a friend?

I think the "bitter woman" made bitter by societal wrongs should join a movement that addresses those wrongs.

This IQ thing remains a big challenge sha.

My sister, Feminism is too deep for you.


Go and binge on icecream.

0 comments :

Are Feminists instinctive lesbians?

08:04 2 Comments



I read the most absurd arguments against feminism from Nigerian e-intelligentsia every other day.

Feminists are home breakers.
Feminists cannot take care of children.
Feminists are the cause of half the problem in the state, and are fully responsible for anyone who cannot get a free pass at a toll gate.

These pile-up accusations are meant to rattle you; make you shrink to bean size and eventually disappear from the face of the earth.

Last week, one of my mentors called me. It was an urgent call.

“Come now, Joy.”

I have the utmost respect for this man. A well-rounded individual, well-traveled, built his empire through blood and sweat. A decent human being. A true believer of talent and a great inspiration.

So I am sitting in his office. He moves his laptop for me to see. He is looking at Linda Ikeji’s blog with the cover of my new project, Happenings magazine, on display. Kenny Bademosi, Orange Academy boss and popular gay man living with HIV, is on the cover (see pix above).

Let’s call him Dee.

Dee: Joy, what is this? Why do you have this man on your cover?

Me: His story is inspiring. Worth reading. I’ll rather have him on my cover than a ‘celebrity’ without a clue what climate change means. I’m trying to build a brand with substance.

Dee: And you think this is a good direction? Having this gay man on your cover? Ehn?!

Me: Yes it is. The magazine is not out yet, but it’s in hot demand. I have orders from Abuja to New York.

Dee: And advertisers? Will this not affect your chances?

Me: This man is an advertising expert. If companies still require his services and people still flock to Orange Academy, surely it means people are more interested in value than anything else. As we speak, I am in talks with a prestigious company who wants the back page of my magazine based on the cover promo we did.

Dee: Hmmm! Ok, let’s talk about you for a minute. I hear you are a feminist. What do you need that for? What do you need feminism to do for you that you have not done for yourself? Does this mean you are now into women?

Me: Hian! Sir, feminism has nothing to do with lesbianism. It’s a movement for equal rights. That’s all.

Dee: Ok?

Me: Equal rights, sir. Just like you have done for me. For all the career opportunities you have given me, you have judged me on my ability to deliver, my skill, and not my gender. I dare say you are a feminist too, sir.

Dee: Ah!

Me: Yes you are. I sit with you as a ‘competent individual’ and nothing more. You see me only as that. You have related with me based on my performance and knack to succeed. My gender has never been an issue. You challenge me. You are a feminist.

Dee: Hmm. I see. But why should gender ever be a problem? You are good at your job, that’s all that matters to me. If I want to keep succeeding, I pick the best ‘man’ for the job.

Me: That’s feminism, really. That’s it. Truly, you are one of us.

Dee: Interesting!

PS: I realise these conflicting conversations on feminism are, sometimes, genuine ignorance and not hate. Of course, there’s still a lot of deliberate hate and misinterpretation out there…

But whether hate or ignorance, I wear my tag proudly.

Have a good day y’all!

2 comments :

Wait! Kids are watching Magic Mike?!

02:35 5 Comments



When we paid for movie tickets to watch Magic Mike, I knew I was going to be entertained with hot naked bodies of men twerking and grinding. Channing Tatum can moonwalk all over my relationship and it’ll be fine.

That body, those eyes, the banging abs, and his smooth moves… Lord have mercy!

I was cheering and screaming with raw delight when the movie made its first thrust. Channing is grinding on the wall of his workshop. Body made of perfection, hitting hard on solid ground. Ah!

The movie climaxed like a pro. Dollar bills everywhere, screaming women, crying women, excited women, endless teasing… male stripping knocking grown women outta their senses.

They are making love without taking their clothes off. The excitement will kill you.

This obviously is a movie made to amuse adults.

It is bubble-gum porn; and it is a lazy way for adults to jerk off. Popcorn and a bottle of soda kinda night.

But there was a child in the hall, barely ten! Indians, I presume.

Magic Mike ended by 11.15pm and that child, with his parents, sat through the ordeal like it was acceptable behaviour to expose a son to sex and decadence!

I cringed, I worried, I held my breath.

One time, when a teenager brought his younger brother- a child not a day older than eight- to watch a sexually explicit movie, I stomped my way to the movie cashier and complained bitterly. These companies are only interested in selling tickets!

Ok, so maybe capitalism has no conscience, what about Parents? Where is our common sense when minors are left to watch soft porn?

Magic Mike is light depravity, something a curious child would like to try out. And when you imagine that every child has a healthy sense of curiosity, you’d understand the damage this might cause.

A smart kid is going to practice what he is exposed to- he might have his first rehearsal with a younger sister maybe, or his six year old neighbour, or his best friend. Those lecherous scenes will not leave very soon. He would nurture them, toss the idea around in his head, romanticize it for every spare minute life gives, and finally make his own performance.

He will be in his rights as an inquisitive child to do so.

This is how we leave children traumatised. This is how we bring up sexually derelict individuals from crass negligence.

Blame the parents.


A child should not be made to sit through a movie like Magic Mike. This isn’t rocket science. If you can’t make these simple judgments and protect your children from harm, don’t have them yet.

5 comments :

Black skin. Black products. Black market

01:14 2 Comments

My black beauty splurge

There are many toning, bleaching and whitening products for black women at every store, every drive-by ‘chemist’ selling drugs and beauty products, Orijin and cheap weaves all in one dingy supply.

Hydroquinone costs barely N500.

It would seem the world is making a plea to black women: “Oh hurry up in your process of changing yourselves, dear blackie”

You get the feeling that black is not enough. You need a lighter hue to be prettier.

I bleached once, whilst getting an unremarkable degree in a tertiary institution.

I bleached because every girl in that rundown school was bleaching. Some bleached so hard that the only thing that gave away their true complexion was tribal marks on cheeks that refused to yield to all that chemical!

My bleaching experiment lasted all of two months. A cheap hydroquinone tube of a ridiculous sum of N70.

My skin protested, huge bumps of rebellion appeared on my neck and back. I stopped.
Lucky I didn’t get to scraping off bleached scales from beneath my eyes before common sense kicked in.

Now I am approaching 40. The insouciance of cheap skin products is gone.

Skin care and crazy amounts I spend to retain black skin is an investment only my body can understand (and witnesses can appreciate).

Many black products are made to change your complexion. Bottom line, you ain’t good enough, woman. Why not try to be white?

So the products that actually respect black skin without any ulterior motives come with fat price tags.

It’s the same thing with black hair. It is easier to get a relaxer and a weave. To get hair products that respect black hair for what it is, you’d be spending more and going to tight corners of obscure stores to find good products.

As usual, I splurged on beauty products yesterday. This time, I hit some high zeros in expense. Products that promise to treat me with respect, but way too expensive. What can a black woman do?

It is my investment. In a world where everyone is trying to change you- your opinions, your leanings and your complexion, you'll be spending more just to stay true to your authentic self. 

Don’t tell me to change my colour. Make products that can make this black woman shine.

So when you see me walking by, me and my gorgeous black skin, don’t be shy, say hi...


He won’t mind *wink*

2 comments :

My Enemy’s Enemy is my Friend

00:25 0 Comments



It is a culture mostly perpetuated by women.

A warped cultic, terribly myopic, way of life.

Half the time, women bequeath their enemies to their friends.

Half the time, it takes just a few words to carry out the conferment.

It will not be surprising to discover that the inheritor, piling up fresh enemies like Mark Zuckerberg piles up good money, have never had any encounter with the ‘enemies’.

It just happens that in female friendships, oddly, you become heiress to the good, bad and ugly that should be none of your business.

It is one way women stay poor. We choose lousy gossipy friendships over tangible business relationships with other women.

You have to think like a poor person to pick up another woman’s bad habits and bad dealings.

How does it concern you who she is fighting? Why not build your own experiences? And if you have to be a baddie, build your own damn enemies from first-hand ruffles.

Zero discernment, poor judgments, lacking in discretion.

You would think there’s a lot of money to be made from gossip. Half the time, gossip lacks any credibility, as all you know of the enemy is what you allow yourself to know.

People exaggerate other's flaws just so they can gather around to talk about them.

“Do you know she has a pimple on her butt?”
“Oh no. Who grows a pimple on the butt?! Such a shame!”
“How can she live with herself with that pimple on her butt?”
“Na wa oh. That pimple na wa oh.”

But with the pimple on that butt, she has been able to build structures, carry out successful projects, shape her brand in ways that will leave the rest of you dizzy.

But you are built for hate, you cannot take your eyes off the pimple. Poof! And the pimple is gone, yet you stare at that lonely space, hoping another pimple sprouts so you can have more reason to talk dirt with your group of inheritors of bad business.

A project I handled recently came with the requirement to sack everybody on the team if I wish to and build my own team. Someone had spent a good amount of time telling me shit about the group.

But I didn’t sack anyone (Ok, just one person had to go), I got to KNOW these people first. And when I did, I realised this Someone was wrong. Yes, they had their issues. No, they were not issues big enough to let them lose their jobs. As a leader it was my job to fix the issue and guide the team to the direction we had to follow.

And I did. A project that pays so well, and a team I am proud to call my own finally emerged from the ruff.

I didn’t let other people’s words decide.

But I have not always been this way. I have indeed inherited enemies before, until I realised I couldn’t pay rent or buy a new pair of shoes by becoming heir to other people's enemies; so I got rid of that smelly habit. If enmity must happen, let it be my experience, not one picked up from someone else's trash bin. Not some bad inheritance that I cannot verify.

Life is intertwined, how do you end up making enemies based on hearsay?


Focus on your bills. It needs half the attention you pay to people who don’t care what you think or say about them.

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